Another glass of champagne please

Independence day

The more things change, the more they stay the same.  Some things are different, but others echo a deeper symmetry.

Last year on Independence Day, I was frantically trying to get my house on the market (and at the same time leaving for a whirlwind business trip to Tokyo).  I was tackling lots of clutter, all of it centered on office supplies/paperwork and art supplies/ephemera.

This year, I am slowly trying to get this old house into order (the "new" old house I dreamed of that I finally found).  I am still tackling lots of clutter, all of it centered on office supplies/paperwork and art supplies/ephemera.

Last year I had a regular housekeeper and lots of help from others with tackling the mess.  This year its just little ol' me.

Last year I was worn out but kept pushing through.  This year I've admitted my limits - I slept almost 14 hours the night of the 3rd - and last night, I logged 10.  I guess maybe the doctor was right - it IS exhaustion.

Last year I had but one wish - to be able to spend my next summer enjoying the evenings from the covered patio of an old home in a historic neighborhood.  This year I got my wish - I spent the evening listening to (but not watching, the tree canopy is too tall) fireworks, sipping wine, and chatting on my front porch with various neighbors who came to hang out.

Nice to have change... particularly when that change is positive movement forward towards what you really want.

And a little more on top of that...

I decided to dig into my studio and start some serious box unpacking.  My goal this weekend is to get all the clutter from the move corralled and out of site (into what few closets I have, whatever) because I'm tired of stepping over it - and I want to start working on the back living area in the next month or so and I can't as long as it is box central. 

I'm down to three box "areas" in my house - three small boxes in the upper part of my bedroom by the desk (all office stuff, all needs to be sorted and half thrown away); about fifteen boxes in the back living area (ranging from small boxes to decently sized ones - stuff that goes all over the place - laundry room, kitchen, studio, lots of electrical cords not attached to their toys, and probably at least half of it destined for Goodwill); and my studio (the studio boxes are a mess - as of last night's purge, I'm down to about 20 of them but they are the largest assortment of hodgepodge stuff ever - I could open and stock a scrapbook store with what I have found - its ridiculous).

So... today I'm in tackle mode.  I'm getting up and I'm going to start with the office boxes in my bedroom and work on my bedroom while the back side of the house is cool.  Then its into the studio for afternoon to unpack there and then I'll break to be social w/ folks and maybe return to the back living area tonight (although I said that last night and ended up hanging outside with the neighbors until well after midnight).

It turns out the drama didn't stop yesterday afternoon.  I went into the laundry/utility room to drop off the large white board and bulletin board that together were blocking access to the studio closet.  And I smelled gas... and heard a hissing rattle coming from the gas hot water heater that I've never heard before.  Decided to call the gas company since it was after hours and they came out.  So the funny part was that the smell/rattle was gone by the time the guy got there so he is looking at me oddly as he turns the heat up and the pilot light flares and asks "is that the smell/noise you heard?"  Uh, yes. 

I feel dumb but since he is there he decides to look at the situation anyhow - he looked a bit perplexed that apparently a vital safety piece was missing from my hot water heater (and I'm clueless - no one has pointed this out to me so far and this is my first gas house) and he starts testing for gas - and I've got a pretty nice gas leak coming in that room, it turns out.  So he tests the gas all over my property.  We find a couple of things - one, my meter was (as he put it) shot out, so he replaced that.  And two, the rest of the house is fine but the utility room, as he put it, is an explosion waiting to happen.  So he unlit the pilot light, tells me to call a plummer, and says the plummer can get me back up and running.  Nice that I don't have to deal with the city inspectors and such at least... not so nice to have another expense right now.  (Oh well, I need to establish a relationship there anyhow so I can cap the back gas line in the yard and have someone for some of the bathroom work I want to do.)

I'm now crossing my fingers that nothing else goes this weekend - refrigerators, air conditioning (bite your tongue, I know!) - and that I can have a nice quiet, organizing weekend.

48 hours of little irritations (and a couple of blessings in between)...

Ugh... I had 48 hours of continual mild irritations from Tuesday afternoon through early this afternoon that I will recap here.  Its enough to drive me to want to eat junk food and have a beer or two although I should be doing neither.

* Flight from DFW to Sacramento.  Unclean first class lavatory that I could smell immediately upon boarding the plane.  I swear, this scent permeated the entire cabin. 

* Flight made uncomfortable by hot cabin plus an overly loud overhead system (half the time I can't hear the majority of the announcements made while in the air, I'm that hearing damaged, so if I'm complaining about the noise, its LOUD) which was amplified by our overly enthusiastic captain who insisted on commenting on every single geographic curiosity for the entire journey - or approximately one every five to seven minutes.  These two factors prevented my sorry jet lagged self from taking a nap.  Irritating.

* I guess a nap would have been difficult anyhow given that my right leg started cramping shortly after boarding and got progressively worse throughout the flight.  I got up several times to stretch it but my right leg was definitely swelling and the pain in my calf (which later moved to the back of my upper leg) was like those horrible growing pains I got when I was younger.  Seriously horrible.

* Got in and got my car and got on my way to Napa, pain in leg is getting worse.  I email the office and ask for a summary of the symptoms of deep vein thrombosis - since I had logged 23 hours on airplanes in the past 48 hours, I thought "better safe than sorry".

* Read symptoms while driving (totally illegal, especially now in California - this was first day of hands-free rule and of course, which idiot left her earpiece at home on her desk?  Yes, this one.) and called primary care physician's office.

* Instructed to get to a medical provided to be looked at, pronto.  Well, since my clients are hospitals and I was headed there, I drove the hour to my client.  By the time I got there, standing up was painful.

* Went to ED and got put into exam room almost immediately when they discovered my BP was 130/110 (my "normal" is about 110/64).  ED physician comes in and looks at me, orders blood work and a Doppler sonogram of my right leg.  I let him know I'm due to be in a presentation in two hours on the other end of the hospital and to please see what he can do to make sure I get there.

* Doppler comes back clean and blood work shows a low probability of clotting factors.  Says he can do a chest x-ray but instead suggests I take it easy - and asks if its really necessary for me to fly more in the next two days (um, yes, I need to go home).  Says its clear that my leg has inflammation (hmmm... not the first time we've seen that when I've been burning the candle at both ends) and tells me to take it easy until my Remicade appointment the following Tuesday.

* Make it to meeting with time to spare, leg still hurting, limping like heck.   Goes fine.  I can leave and go to grab a nice organic dinner and drive back to Sacramento.

* Meeting on Wednesday in Sacramento was misrepresented to me so rather than walking into what I thought would be a friendly meeting with legal counsel, I walked in to something with the guy who does what we do but "internally" who isn't happy about a new project going forward (talk about being on the defensive).  Then I come out (meeting was supposed to be an hour, took almost 90 minutes to get him calm enough to not derail the project) and some else from same client has been calling my cell phone and my office saying we had a conference call scheduled.  I check my email and they had emailed about 20 minutes before that informing me we were having a call (never mind that I might be available).

* Did I mention that my leg still hurts?

* Get on earlier flight (hooray!) and clear upgrade list (double hooray!) so I get back to Dallas about three hours earlier than expected.

* Go to office to work on markdowns in the system (was going to go up to do them this weekend so that saves me a trip up there on a holiday weekend!) and end up staying until after 9 pm getting stuff caught up.

* Get home to Fort Worth and roll up to my house around 10 pm.  No lights on.  Hmmmm.  Go in the house... feels warm and quiet.  Not good.  Go to flick on light.  Power out.  Decide to call electric company before looking for backdoor key and going to check breaker.

* YOU ARE KIDDING ME.   They say they will research and call me back but its definitely out, my bill is current, and the best they can say is that in the system it shows I will be up again by midnight the next day.

* Call Hilton HHonors, get good rate for the Hilton downtown, and head there.

* Check in with surly check-in girl at front desk.  Get key, go to room.  Have to pee, badly.

* Go in bathroom and lift lid of toilet and scream.  Oh my gosh... I have never seen so much fecal matter in one place (outside of a zoo) at once.  I am about to start crying.  Seriously.  I'm not talking about anything normal or human.  It looked like a horse had been in there and it was ALL over the toilet.  Wash hands with soap (want to disinfect entire body immediately) and call front desk and tell them I am to have a new room immediately.

* Head back down where night manager is preparing keys.  "You didn't have to leave that room - we would have brought the new keys up."  I'm like "m'aam, you have NO idea what that mess is up there... its a bit scary".  I'm still grossed out as I go to my new room on the HHonors floor, a nice suite.  (As a Diamond checking in at 11 pm, I have no idea why I didn't get that room - or at least one on the exec floor to begin with, but suspect young surly clerk is to blame.)

* I'm too wound up to sleep and the internet (which I paid $9.95 to connect to) was too slow so I read until I got sleepy.

* Got up and showered and did hair/makeup because Brandy was coming over for a client meeting here in town.  Get home at 10 am (she is waiting in front of the house) and still no power.

* Go to meeting, go to lunch, come home.  Still no power.  House - which was warm, but not bad in the morning - is starting to get hot.

* Change clothes and we go to the mall to walk around and get exercise (so much for being creative this afternoon!) because there is no way I'm staying in the house.

* Get home and power is finally on - just in time for Brandy to leave so she misses traffic.  :-(

* Get call from TXU... turns out someone put a disconnection notice in for me at the electric company.  Said I was "moving" on 7/1.  Now I can think of two scenarios and I'm really hoping its the latter.  First is that someone did this to be malicious.  I can't really think of anyone who would do that (although I know a couple of friends who are probably thinking "uh huh" and disagreeing with me on that) and whoever did it would have had to verify my account number and other personal information so it would have been very intentional.  The second thing (and this is what I'm hoping it is) is that somehow there was something out in the system from when I originally had the power connected - the original order was in for 12/1 (of last winter) and I know we had all sorts of problems with getting it up and running (there were disconnection notices floating around then too).  Either way, TXU is giving me a credit for the inconvenience on my next bill.

So that's enough drama for me for a compressed time period.  Remember, I'm making decisions in my life to get RID of drama so I'm trying to not attract anymore.  Now I'm hoping I can have a nice quiet weekend, unpack a bunch of boxes, and work on samples for CHA. 

Oh... and my leg still hurts!

I'm home, now I'm not home - revolving door.

Ah... the bliss of sleeping in my own bed, if only for a night. 

I'm SO glad I took the American Airlines flight home... it meant that I landed at DFW at 3:40 pm (and made it through immigration, bag reclaim, and customs in time to join my 4 pm conference call a few minutes late!) vs. having to stop in San Francisco and then continue on which would have put me (at the earliest) at DFW at 8:45 pm and realistically much later than that since it turns out that AA cancelled the flight I would have been on yesterday!

Its nice to trust one's gut instinct sometimes, you know?  I almost forgot about my idea when they told me there was going to be a $150 change fee... but glad I didn't.  More comfortable seat (which is good since I slept most of the flight) and the American food was comforting for my belly (I *love* Asian fare but I was starting to get more than a touch of heartburn missing my comfort foods).

Got home after a hellish sit in traffic (it should NOT take me 1.5 hours to drive home if I leave before 5 pm!) and I went and got burgers and shakes with Craig.

Scale report this morning?  4 pounds up from when I started the month.  All in all, I'm going to claim a victory there... first, I'm still dehydrated and have travel bloat (either that or I'm 5 months pregnant and no one told me - I base this on how much my belly is sticking out) and second, given how much I've been gone and how much different food I've eaten, its a miracle its not 14 pounds!

July 1 starts the second half of the year and I'm starting a cleanse fast.  I've got a mild case of thrush again (can see it on my tongue and that probably explains the belly bloat too as well as the mild skin rash I've got from my scalp, on my torso, etc.).  I got it this time last year too - it tends to be something I struggle with but going on a candida diet tends to kill it.  What does that involve?  Well, the biggies are - no white flour, no white sugar, no white vinegar, extremely limited dairy, no alcohol (except limited amounts of vodka or gin - and I'm allergic to juniper so that leaves vodka), no soy, no mushrooms, no hard cheese, no cured or processed meats (basically the ones I like), certain veggies and many fruits off limits, and preferably no caffeine (although last year I stuck with my chai latte w/ skim milk or green tea w/ Splenda and did just fine).  So what will I eat?  Lots of seafood (grilled, steamed, sashimi), grilled beef, poached chicken (the only kind I like), corn tortillas, extreme amounts of vegetables.

I go to Napa today - leaving on an 11:45 am flight - meetings there this afternoon/evening - it will be torture being in foodie heaven but I'm sure I can get some good food that meets my requirements and I'll probably have to cave in for a glass of wine (but I'm sure I can handle a heavy red since the yeasts are what I'm trying to avoid I just need to steer far away from the champagne and sweet whites).  My other challenge this month will be CHA - gotta have Giordanos pizza - but we'll deal with that when it comes around.

Otherwise its looking to be a light travel month - this two day trip starting today.  CHA from the 15th to 20th.  And then I start a 7 or 8 day trip to Oregon, California, and Tennessee on the 30th or so.  I'm crossing my fingers that the 20th to 29th stays clear (but not holding my breath seeing as that we have three more new California projects that start today) - and then will hold on for a crazy August/September schedule.

Ah... but that bed, it was nice while it lasted!

Around the world, literally....

So the last time I checked in, I was at the old Concorde Room at London Heathrow relaxing after flying Dallas to New York to London.  Life was and still is good.

What an amazing week it has been... I flew onward from London to Singapore on Tuesday night on British Airways.  Lovely flight.  Very comfy first class seat (let's remember that I did this whole trip on airline and hotel points - so neither Luxe or our stores were paying this bill, lest the gossips want to set their tongues wagging about extravagance, you can stop now) and very yummy seat opponent across the aisle.  We made witty banter all the way through dinner and I quite enjoyed the mile high banter with this UK gent now living down under.  Alas, thirteen hours is never long enough when you are being spoiled and so I had to leave the cocoon of the plane and hit Singapore!

I had booked at the St. Regis, the new "it" address in Singapore.  It was quite accidental - again, I was using points and when I went to book, that was actually the best deal for what memberships I have.  (I normally stay at the Sheraton but have stayed all over town.)  Oh my goodness... best use of points, ever.  Critics are saying that it is THE top rated hotel now in Singapore and should easily land on all top five lists for Asia this year.  I concur.  Every room comes with 24/7 butler service (they unpack you, press your clothes, bring you tea whenever you like, escort your guests up, etc.) - but I got even luckier... my status with Starwood netted me a huge corner executive suite the size of an apartment.  Fifteenth floor with a view, I knew I was going to be in heaven for the next five days.

My time there was a whirl... in addition to errands I needed to run (a trip to the US Embassy for more passport pages, a trip to the optometrist for new reading glasses), I had a jam packed schedule of lunches/dinners with friends AND three days at Made With Love.

So Made With Love... wow.  What an amazing store.  I did not know it was possible to put so much product into that amount of space - its floor to ceiling triple stacked scrapbooking goodness - and the store is such a hot spot in town that its packed all day long.  The whole staff there took such amazing care of me.  I'm scared to mention names for fear of leaving someone out but Table Scraps (the in-house cafe) kept me fed and watered - and every need I had was anticipated.

I did a make-and-take session on Friday night that allowed me lots of time to visit one-on-one with the store's VIP customers.  And then Saturday and Sunday we launched into our classroom sessions - three different classes, each 3.5 hours in length.  The creativity and talent of the ladies blew me away and I think I learned as much as I taught!

I also got to eat... a lot.  How much you ask?  Well, my "fat jeans" are a bit tight in the waist.  I look like I'm in my second trimester my belly is so distended!  Chili crab, roti prata, sushi, dim sum, curry, french... you name it, I seemed to eat it.  My body is now groaning for a diet and some yoga (and screaming "please not another glass of champagne... not now!")

I flew out last night on the overnight Japan Airlines flight to Tokyo.  I was supposed to meet up with a couple of the girls from Scrap the Planet but had a logistical snafu (entirely my own stupidity) and missed them.  I now just paid to switch my flight from the Japan routing through San Francisco (with a four hour layover) to the nonstop Dallas flight leaving at the same time so I can get home several hours earlier and enjoy my house for a bit before flying off Sacramento on Tuesday at lunchtime.  (I swear, I get no downtime lately!)

But... I wouldn't couldn't mustn't trade this life for anything.  Its amazing and I love how I get to see the world and meet so many amazing people in the process.

In other fronts, we are also getting ready for CHA.  Emily has been hard at work on what I believe is our most beautiful catalog to date.  (I want a copy just to keep by my bedside table for reading... its that pretty).

Well, its time to fly.... again.  And then from July 3, I get to stay home (I think) until we leave for CHA on July 15!  Hope those veggies have been growing away!

Simple (okay, and extravagant) bliss

I'm in my happy place now... if you can call it that.  Traveling - in good style - tends to put me there.

Sometimes traveling as much as I do can royally suck... make no mistake that days like Thursday (where I was up at 4:45 am and didn't crawl into bed until almost 3 am due to massive flight delays and all sorts of travel mess, all of which I experienced from the leisure from a cruddy seat at that back of coach) are horrible... but travel "like this" makes up for it.

I get to travel "like this" because of the gazillion points and frequent flyer miles and perks that the airlines and hotel chains shower upon me in an attempt to keep me loyal and keep my hard earned dollars buying pricey last minute tickets for crappy seats in the back of coach on delayed flights.

"Like this" means that when I have the trips that REALLY matter (the ones that are brutal like getting from Dallas to Singapore on my third transoceanic trip this month) I can do it in style.

Granted, sometimes I don't appreciate the style... last night on my delayed JFK to London flight, I had my first class seat fully flat within about 90 seconds of takeoff and I was out like a light - no cocktail, no dinner, and please no waking me for breakfast... but I got a solid 6+ hours of sleep so now I'm awake to enjoy my time at Heathrow.

And what a great time that is... I'm at the old (soon to be demolished) T4 in the once-grand Concorde Club Room (all that's left of the first class facilities here) drinking a glass of '99 Bollinger and tucking into a great bacon baguette and some made just-for-me scrambled eggs.  In a few minutes, I'll head downstairs to the Elemis Spa for my complimentary facial/massage chair experience.  And then it will be back upstairs to work.  (Yeah, I know... I *could* go into London for the day but I've got a ZILLION things to do and this is a work trip, not vacation, so I really need to do stuff like book travel and work on CHA stuff and update project reports)  So I'll just work in style... with more champagne and afternoon tea - and then when its a bit later, I'll head into the dining room to have the restaurant dinner before boarding my flight (my THIRTEEN HOUR flight) to Singapore.  Once there, I'll check into the new St. Regis (which is THE hotel of the moment there and just so happens to have been the very best value when I decided to book with my points, crazy I know).

Its times like this that those 22 hour days from hell don't look so bad if this is the payoff!  In any case, I'm blissed out.  My mental state is fantastic - have not shed a single tear in the last 48 hours which is how I know it is really and truly finally over and I've really moved on.  And that really feels fantastic too. 

Monday, monday...

Nine solid hours of sleep last night - I'm feeling good to start my journey today.  I seriously feel about ten years younger and a ton lighter after shedding my baggage yesterday.  I appreciate all the good thoughts from friends, many who emailed rather than comment on the blog (their commentary was either too profane to be in public or they didn't want their feelings "out there" in case I waffle again).  Well fear not, I'm not waffling.

A few people have asked if something major happened.  No, that's the funny thing.  It was just more of the same - the routine daily push-pull of life and I just snapped.   I couldn't deal anymoe with a person who had so many "people" in their life causing this virtual tornado of drama on a daily basis.

Its funny - I blog so I've got a very "public" side to me but I'm very "private" when it comes to other stuff.  I don't tend to be the type of person to get deeply involved in everyone else's problems (that stuff is for ministers and counselors and social workers and attorneys) and he was the type to do that.  The sitting at the emergency room for 14 hours with an ex-girlfriend for the third time in two months (and blowing off plans with me in the process) - the cancelling our Valentine's Day plans so he could go to a meeting with a friend's social worker in a child custody case - the constantly driving out of town to funerals for short-term colleagues from a decade ago (and canceling plans in the process) - the always having someone with a problem sleeping on the couch (hey, you don't mind if we have company tonight) - the inviting friends along on a date because they "didn't have plans for the night and you felt bad" - the getting up at 4 am to take an acquaintance (yes, a mere acquaintance) to the airport (but yet you can't drive ME to the airport when I need to go because you made plans with a friend because you "forgot" that was the day I was flying out).  All those are hallmarks of a "nice person", yes... but when they interfere with your ability to be good to those around you, well... its too much.

Too much in my case was not being able to drive me to the airport after I asked you a couple of weeks ago.  Of not being able to make it over to a party in my neighborhood because a friend asked you to work late for him and "he looked tired".  And not being able to come later (after the martyr duty) to said party because you ran into another friend who didn't have plans and "really needed someone to talk to".  This in the same month that you played case worker for your hypochondriac ex-girlfriend a half-dozen times and spent most of your days off bringing her food because she is starving herself or going to the hospital with her because she is ill from said starving.  It's like an addiction to drama - and when no one else in your life has any going on, you create your own (like the fact that you either are or are not a diabetic when you need attention - the doctor saying you are "prone" to blood sugar issues doesn't make you diabetic, yet you go around telling everyone you are). 

In six months we had workplace drama (getting suspended for suspicion of being intoxicated at work and having an inconclusive breathalyzer) and then went through the whole circus of deciding to go to AA meetings every day (which lasted about a month), medical drama (yours, your ex-girlfriends, other friends - but you couldn't be bothered to come around when I had CERVICAL CANCER - yes, kids, the C-word - because it freaked you out too bad).  You went to more funerals in that six months than I've been to in a lifetime.  Offered your sofa up to well over a dozen people (and those are just the ones I know about).  Gave dozens of rides to work, the airport, to body shops, etc. to all these various people whose names I'd never heard.  Stayed late, went in early, worked your days off for folks.  Got involved in at least two child custody cases (that I know of).  And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

The mood swings involved with being around a drama bomb were too much - I never knew if I was going to see you happy, sad, pissed off, tired, grumpy (and taking it all out on me whatever the mood).  You were unreliable because everyone else's drama always took precedent.  If I really wanted your attention or for you to be somewhere on time, I would have needed to invent an excuse - a drama of my own - to give you reason to be there.

I think my fatal flaw is that he needs to find a "Disney princess" - some girl with all sorts of problems who he can rescue time and time again.  The ex seemed to fit that mold (I remember one story about drama at a funeral for someone in his family where he had to leave in the middle of the services to go buy her feminine hygiene products for her "female emergency" - and all the drama that caused with various family members and such.  Okay, I'm sorry - bitch needs to learn to carry her own tampons - and if there's an issue, you don't leave a funeral to go on a hunt for a box.)

*sigh*

Almost six months of that... its like the weeds that overtake your yard.  You think you can tame them - but if you don't eradicate them, they choke everything in sight.

But anyway... I'm done with that.  And now I'm packing my bags so I can go teach in Singapore.  Hooray!  I'm giddy about these three classes - they are chock full of techniques (I'm glad I have 3.5 hours per class because we are doing a couple dozen techniques per class so we'll need plenty of play time!)  Plus I get to see my friend Kristy and go run errands I can only run in Singapore and eat lots of really good food (Singapore is like the food capital of the eastern world - its the Asian Paris!)

Sense-ational Sunday (the "sometimes I have to be hit over the head" version)

 

Seeing:

The obvious choice here is projects (the last touches on my Singapore classes, CHA sketches, artwork, etc.) but the one I want to rave about is my new Sony eReader.

American Airlines/Sony were giving them as gifts to passengers in first on the LA-London route and so I dutifully took mine while listening to other jaded passengers comment on how "not good" they are.  I finally took it out of the box while Emily was here on Friday and can I say how much I disagree?  The thing is worth about $350 (nice gift AA, thanks!) and I can download all these books that are currently out in hardcover for less than I'd pay when they come out in softcover.  Plus it holds 80 books at a time so nice for the weight requirement.  I will still need books in the "paper form" for when I can't use electronic devices, but this is a nice new toy and I'm looking forward to using it to take some things with me to Singapore.

Hearing:

The Sex and the City soundtrack.  I finally got to go see it yesterday and I loved it.  I know the critics panned it - and it definitely isn't cinematic genius.  But its funny and vibrant and full of great clothes and one-liners.  And more important, it had a message that I needed to hear which was to take care of myself.

Tasting:

I made the best salmon on Wednesday night - followed the instructions I'd been given at Mozaic and it turned out juicy and wonderful.  Its like my eyes have been opened on cooking fishes and meat now - I was doing it all wrong.  No wonder I hated everything I made.

Smelling:

Flowers.  There is a something that appears to be a hibiscus bush in front of my house that is in full bloom with these gigantic magenta 10" blossoms.  Add to that the lantana in the back yard plus a half dozen other flowering plants and I seem to have the most colorful house on the block right now.

Touching:

A lot less baggage.

I'm tired today.  I napped yesterday - one of those near-depressive fog kind of naps - before going to a party last night - and then came home from the party to fight with someone via text message and went to bed pretty angsty and such. 

And then I woke up at 5:30 am with the most amazing clarity that I have not had for the last six months - and said clarity drove me to get in the car, take a bag of someone's stuff over to their apartment and dump it on their front porch, and drive home to turn the phone off and crawl back into bed.  I haven't felt this good in ages.

Something I've always struggled with in relationships is cutting that last tie.  I like to maintain the optimism that I can still be friends with someone.  And in this particular case, the someone had me all in knots by constantly tossing me every which way - citing his fear of commitment, occasionally throwing out the L-word, both of us constantly on this tug-of-war of which one of us isn't speaking to the other one at the moment - the whole situation was keeping me dangling from that string until I was all twisted up in the daily drama of whether or not we were on good terms (and when we were, it affected my sleep as I stayed up for hours on end accommodating his night-owl ways) and the whys and hows of it. 

I think I just snapped sometime overnight because I fell asleep around 2:30 am very sad and woke up with an anger that gave way to calm.

Friends don't treat friends this way.  Or at least friends of mine don't.  If this had been anyone else in my life, I would have said "enough" weeks ago (and believe me, I've done it before over much smaller transgressions).  I just can no longer handle the drama - and believe me, there was a constant and steady dose of it every day (from the ex-girlfriends who rotated in and out with their various issues to the various friends and their problems to the work issues). 

I don't need it. 

I like to lead a fairly drama-free life and stay busy enough trying to keep it out of my life - this was becoming like a soap opera with continual cliffhangers and plot twists - I really could probably write a book about the last six months because there have been so many storylines that I couldn't keep up.

I know some of my friends are just shaking their heads and saying "its about time" but I had to come to this decision on my own.  I needed to tune out all the voices and listen to the one in my head.  The one that said "girl, you deserve SOOOOO much better than what this so-called 'friend' is delivering".  And childhood ties and family opinions and hope and faith all be damned... I give up.  That dead horse should have been hauled to the glue factory months ago.

So someone is going to wake up later today to a bag of the remainder of the things that were at my house sitting on his front porch.  The one bag that seemed so "heavy" to me because it seemed to represent the last bit of hope I had for things returning to normal.  But without that bag I feel so much lighter now.  I feel free.

Busy busy busy....

We are less than four weeks from the CHA Summer show... and that means that things are insanely busy around here!  We have so much going on - final artwork selection was this week and man, I really do think that this round of goodies is the best one yet (I know... some folks always say that but I really MEAN it - I am severely giddy.)

And we also have this...

... and that's something to REALLY be excited about.  I had a progress review for it yesterday (it has been Emily's baby so I have only seen bits and pieces and given minor input along the way) but it is knocking my socks off.

Not much else to report... I leave for Singapore on Monday night.  I'm still finishing up class instructions and samples - plus I've got about a zillion things to do around the house and at the office before I go.  That to do list isn't being helped at all by the monster fatigue I had yesterday after the trip from hell to San Francisco (nothing like waking up at 4:45 am at home with shaky power during a hellacious thunderstorm, dealing with nasty traffic in flash flooding, flight delays, barely making my meeting in San Francisco, and then rushing back to the airport to deal with aircraft mechanical issues and delayed/cancelled flights - my head didn't hit the pillow until 2:45 am - nothing like a 22 hour day!)

But know that excitement starts soon... and the first line preview will be up on the Luxe blog on Monday!

Can you have a case of the... Wednesdays?

I know its possible to have a case of the Mondays.  I get those all the time.  But today?  Bleh. 

I'm working from home which is about my favorite way to work... no interruptions (sorry girls, you know I love you but I just get NOTHING done at the office), no dress code, no limitation on how loud the music can be (plus I can watch Tivo!), and no funny looks when I talk to myself.

Of course, today we have a dress code because I had a YMCA board meeting at 8 am so that required setting the alarm for 6 am, showering, putting on something nicer than yoga pants, and pretending that like everyone else, I too go to a "real" job.  I'm sure as my three year term progresses that they will get to know me and understand me, but I'm still new enough plus I'm the youngest one, so I'm trying to give off the impression of not being a flake.

After the board meeting, I made a trip into Central Market to pick up veggies and some fresh salmon to cook for dinner tonight.  I'm thinking I'm going to do a twist on the recipe we did at Mozaic - a warm cabbage/onion/ginger slaw in a miso/rice vinegar/soy glaze with the pan seared salmon and dill creme fraiche.  Nice for summer.  I also picked up a few things for breakfast/lunch for the next few days (thinking that lunch today will be cashew butter and fig compote on toasted french bread plus a nice serving of cut watermelon and cantaloupe).  My veggies are still in bloom - nothing to eat yet but hopefully by the time I'm back from Singapore I'll see the first of the harvest.

Stopped at Cupcake Cottage and picked up a couple of baby cakes for dessert tonight - plus preordered for the weekend (Emily is coming over on Friday so I know we'll be making a morning stop before settling in to work on CHA booth stuff).  And I need to get out again this afternoon after a couple of conference calls - going to pick up dry cleaning and have a beer with my friend Jerry.

I'm in a bit of limbo frustration right now because I'm supposed to be going to San Francisco tomorrow but the contract for that engagement still isn't in.  It was due into our offices two weeks ago and when I booked my ticket last week, word was that it was signed.  Now I'm understanding as of Monday that its signed with a bunch of revisions written in.  No one can tell me what those revisions are but since there have been a bunch requested over the last month that we keep vetoing, that's not good.  I'm not signing a contract full of revisions and I'm not flying out to do this meeting without a contract as it will be a total waste of my time to not be able to review proprietary stuff (and I've been burned enough times before when we have "almost" had a contract that I'm not going to play that game again).  Part of me kind of hopes this meeting gets pushed back to July 2 or so - I could use the time at home and I've already got to be out there on July 1 so it would be much easier to do it that way.  Of course part of me wants this contract to just be in already... so I'm hoping to just get it done with.

So yeah... total case of the Wednesdays.  Time to fix a snack and hunker down to do some work in front of the tv.